Connected

Are you being your authentic self?

What is authentic? Let’s start with the definition, “of undisputed origin; genuine”. What is authenticity, “the quality of being authentic”. Would you say being authentic is being your true self?

If you are being authentic or your true self, does it matter if someone doesn’t like what you do or say if that is wholeheartedly you or what you believe in? To be clear, I’m not talking about someone that is hurting the life of someone else.

Let’s think about a child for a moment. Do you think a 4 year old is living their life being their true self or just saying and doing things that they think will be accepted? Do they care what their friends will think when they are 4 years old? What happens if a 4 year old doesn’t want to share a toy they just got. The parent may say, “that’s not nice you need to share your toy”. The kid responds by saying, “but it’s mine. I don’t want to share, why do I have to share”. Is that child being true to what they want? Do you feel the parents telling them, it’s not nice they need to share is the best response to a child that doesn’t understand why they are having to change their thinking if they are being true to themselves?

What if the parent said, “I understand that this is your new toy and that you love it so much that you just want to play with it all the time. Your friend doesn’t have that toy and would appreciate getting a chance to play with it because they think it’s really cool. What if you showed him how you play with it, showing him all the tricks it can do. Then give him a chance to show you maybe other ways you can play with it that you haven’t thought of yet”.

Instead of ignoring or disregarding the authenticity of the child, the parents acknowledge and appreciate them for being their true self while also giving them an understanding of why it’s good to share. Opening their mind to see another solution.

What if we did that as adults to other adults. For example in my own business, how many times have you had this situation where you are telling someone about how you are feeling about a certain situations and the person doesn’t acknowledge it? or designing a space or floor plan and the person says that doesn’t work but doesn’t say or give you much reason as to why.

In the design industry we get asked all the time how long will it take you? Sometimes it’s the dreaded question, as there are so many factors within that. You say 14 weeks for the entire process from concept to construction documents. The client or owners’ rep says well we need it done in 8 weeks because they need in their space. In your head you know 8 weeks is rushing the process, but you agree to it to make them happy. So, what if instead of saying ok you say, “we understand that may not be what you were hoping for but for us to really think through the space that they’re spending a lot of money on and time in we need to be able to give our best selves to this project. By decreasing the amount of time, it is only hindering the employees’ experience and the opportunity to give the space real thought for a better and rewarding atmosphere for all that experience it.

The person is being their true self knowing their team can’t possibly do their best work in 8 weeks. So the question is, does the client or owners’ rep see that and give them the 14 weeks they requested. What happened to seeing and hearing the truth from the person’s heart vs. hearing what they want to hear and pushing them to believe in something the person knows doesn’t work. What happened to people being authentic and respecting their authenticity? Isn’t that how we all want to be our true self and respected for being just that?

I was having a conversation with someone that works in education, and they said ,“I can’t wait for the summer because I can take out my hair extensions, take off my fake nails and fake lashes”. She said, “if you saw me during the summer, you wouldn’t know it was me as I look completely different”. I asked her, “why can’t you be your authentic self during the school year”? “Well because people need to see the more put together version”. Ummm what??? Who needs to see it? Does adding the hair extensions, nails and lashes express who you really are within your heart, or what you think others want to see?

What about materials or objects in your house. When did it become such a thing to have all these fake materials over the true authentic materials. For instance luxury vinyl flooring that looks like wood vs real wood flooring. Do you think you can feel the difference between the two, even with your eyes closed?

I tried this experiment with my husband while in Target. I picked up a plastic fluted soap dispenser and then a glass fluted soap dispenser, he didn’t know what I was doing or what I had. I went to where he was, which was in a different aisle, and told him to close his eyes. I placed each of the soap dispensers in both of his hands. I then asked him, “which feels better?” He lifted his hand with the glass version. So, if we can feel the authentic version with our eyes closed, then we can also feel the fake version.

So again I ask, are you being Authentic?